My comments:
1st: about the ideas, I feel confuse between the 1st and the 3rd idea: i think exchange the knowledge and viewpoint are the ways we help each other improve
2nd: you have rather serious mistakes in grammar and the usage of words.
topic: Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of
student--> students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Outline:
Intro: I think study with group of student is more
effectly --. effectively
Body:
Paragraph 1: When we study in a group we can exchange the knowledge and viewpoint together.
- We can
knowledge --> gain knowledge ( knowledge is a noun) about an event
by multifaceted ( do not understand, but multifaceted is an adj so we can not write like that)
- We can share it to each member to discuss.
- Each member raises their viewpoint about this problem.
Paragraph 2: Study in a group can create a study atmosphere
- each member must have responsibility to their team.
- study in a group can create a competition
in each member. --> among members
Paragraph 3: When we study in a group we can help together to improve.
- Each member can learn
these other knowledge from others' knowledge and skills.
- We can share the experience to solve a problem.
Conclusion: Study in a group has a lot of benefit to each member
Student life --> student time ( to avoid repeating "life") is an important period in our life. We can develop
a lot of skill --> a lot of skills in this time, specially our knowledge. Each student has a specific method to study. But I
thing -> think study=>studying in a group is
most effect. => the most effective
The firstly,--> the first point is/ firstly, when we study in a group we can exchange the knowledge and viewpoint together. Therefore we
can knowledge an event by multifaceted. When we face a difficult problem, we can share it to
each member --> each other/ share it together to discuss. Each member raises their viewpoint about this problem. So the difficult problem can be
solved easily. -> easily solved (more common)
Secondly,
studying in a group can create a study atmosphere. When we set up a team to study, each member must have responsibility to their team. They will try to complete their work. It is
very important skill --> a very important skill when we work in team. On the other hand, study in a group can create a
competition in each member. Every one doesn’t want to be a weak member in a group. So they will compete to be --> become good member.
The final, --> finally, when we study in a group we can help together to improve. Each member can learn
these other knowledge --> the others' knowledge and skills. Because, in a group we can exchange our viewpoint
more and more easier - easier/ much easier. We can share the experience to solve a problem. So each member can improve themselves.
Summary, --> in summary, in conclusion, study in a group has a lot of benefit to each member. Our forefather said that: “learn from partner is better than from teacher”. It is
a experience --> an experience our forefather sum up from thousand year.
, In my opinion, you should try to identify the usage of word before put it in to essay. I mean, you have to identify if it is a noun or verb or adj...first. There are some more problems but I just concentrate on the mistakes about the usage of words.
Tired day!
Nice Mid-Autumn!